A mask And a Red moon
by MinxyKun
Summary: Naruto watches the night, and re thinks about why he is, the way he is.


The moon danced off the window. Trees cast long shadows, and no sign of movement. It was like the world froze at this time. The time where the slightest sound could wake the dead, and the loudest crash wouldn't wake an child. I have always found this time soothing. I didn't have to wear a mask, and didn't have to worry about anything.

I'm always so happy. I bounce around like a child, though I'm 15. I am always so hyper, and loud, to the point it annoys a lot of people. But…It makes everyone else happy. Ask me why, when I honestly don't care about anything, I want to make them happy. Go ahead, ask me. But I don't have the answer. Not a 100% positive one, anyway. I have theories, but again, none I can use to describe in full confidence, why I'm this way.

I actually know three people who speak their minds well, and have an unreal way of getting to you, whether it's helping you, or pissing you off. Shikamaru, Gara, and Sasuke. I guarantee that you will change your opinion, or gain respect for what they say. Why? Because if they don't cleverly debate, counter, and somehow make you change what you think on whatever subject that was being 'discussed' ; If that doesn't turn out being the case. whatever they say, will bring you into trying harder to prove them wrong.

I have a lot of friends. So why you ask, did I take the time to mention only them? Because they are the only people I know, not the closest, but the only people who truly see life for what it is, and still keep going. THAT'S how I compare to them.

Even so, the way I really see the world is hard to explain. You would have to be me, and have lived my life to understand why I think the way I do.

I'm not stupid. I'm not a hyper child who's always happy, loud and annoying. Because despite the mask I'm broken but strong. .

I have no fears in this world. And I don't say that to sound brave, or cocky. I say it because it's true. Nothing in this world is something I can't mentally handle. Which is all you need to get over a fear, your mind.

It's not that I don't care. Even though there IS a lot I don't care about. I do care about a lot, but show no emotion. I find it tiresome to smile and laugh. So I don't do it alot. It doesn't mean I'm not happy. And when i don't cry it doesn't mean I'm not sad. Even though sometimes, that is the case both ways.

It takes a lot to make me cry. Physical pain doesn't make me cry, iv been trained to act as though it's unreal. Death of a loved one can't make me cry. Onions might do the trick though.

Iv taught myself, to suck it up and be strong. And that is precisely what I do. Regardless of what is thrown at me, regardless of the missions i face. Yes, I cry. Everyone does. But I'll soon give up my dream of becoming Hokage before I EVER let someone see me cry.

I just refuse, to bring others down with me. I wont accept help so I hide. I act 5, I jump on people, I laugh, I smile, I pretend I'm mister happy-go-lucky all the time. I tell everyone I'm fine, "Im just tired" This was the usual comment. I know if I'm sad, it will make the people I let get close to me, for entirely selfish reasons by the way, be faced with my problems. Which I didn't need, it would only make me worse.

Now what were my selfish reasons?

Here in Konoha nearly 9 years. I have been suffering silently. And no you're right, not all my smiles are fake, and that's the selfish part. I use all the people I became close to as leverage. I use them to make good memories. So, that when a 'night' came along like….that, all I would have to do is think about their smiling faces, and I would be okay. How is this selfish? Because I will never tell them the truth. Even though they are the only reasons I never took a razor to my wrists, I will never tell them. They are important to me, and I wont hurt them.

The mask I wore was to protect them from being taken in by my problems, and to keep me from remembering them. That's the bottom line.

But, I'm loosing them.

Not because i want to, or because i push them away. But because i don't have a choice. Thanks to the Akatsuki, i no longer have control. I have control over MYSELF, but not what happens to me. Confusing? I know. Tsunade Ba-Chan, and the Elders, are desiding what happens to me. If i can stay a shinobi of Konoha and risk it. Or if i must live with my gardian Kakashi in Tokyo. One way i keep the people in my life. The other, i lose them. But be safe. .Mind Fucking...

You know why else the night sooths me. It's do to another memory. A while back, Sasuke and Shikamaru and I went to a beach on an alomst un believeable night. There was a red moon, a gentle breeze, perfect tempurature, and a fantastic veiw of a sky line. Not much talking. Some tension. But still. One of my fondest memories.

My mask may have been fake, but the happy memories that came with it, were entirely, real. So maybe, that can be my leverage. I can use that to keep myself going. To dream that i can make more, where ever i end up. Yea, that sounds like just enough to keep me sane.


End file.
